Morning lows

Two times this week I woke up to a low blood sugar. The first was two days ago, I could tell by the way he was behaving in his sleep. I woke him to ask permission to test his blood sugar.

He was happy to let me.

Sure enough, 24. Fuck.

So I went downstairs, got some juice and he drank a sip then refused to drink more. Double fuck. After emailing my bosses letting them know I'd likely be a little late, I waited for that small amount of sugar to sink in before trying again. 15 min later I walked into the bedroom and he woke up, asking what his blood sugar was. When I told him 24 he sucked down the rest of the juice.

I waited 20 minutes or so and checked on him before going to work. He was coherent so I didn't bother checking again. We were in good shape, I was confident of that. So off to work I went and the rest of the day went as planned.

Then it happened again this morning. I woke up, he was sleeping funny, but waking him to ask permission to test wasn't as easy. I got a grunt out of him and tested. 22. Mother fucker!

Luckily I was prepared with juice this time, so I did my best to get him to drink it. No luck. I walked out of the room, came back a few minutes later and tried again. This time he took 2 big gulps, but that's all.

I tried a few more times and nothing. So I waited it out then checked on him before I left. He wouldn't let me test, he wouldn't drink anything. He just wanted to sleep.

Yes, I get that. So do I. And, I need to go to work, damn it!

I was frustrated. More than I should have been given that he wasn't in the right frame of mind. I told him I didn't have time for this, that I needed to test his blood sugar before I left. He said "don't worry about it, I'm fine." It was coherent. So I left.

I feel guilty now, I know I shouldn't have left without knowing where he was, but honestly, I needed to get to work. I can't keep calling in every other day saying I'm going to be late. I just can't. It's not good for my career.

I so desperately want to talk with him about his disease management. I'm doing my best, but sometimes I feel like he could be doing better. And I feel like that's partially my fault. I'm always carbing out, snacking, eating foods he shouldn't be eating. So of course if we have that stuff in the house he's going to eat it. I'm even tempted to offer to give up my vegetarianism to help him out. Maybe if we eat more meat and less carbs he can take less insulin and there will be less risk of these lows.

Or maybe, this is just the way it's going to be and I need to find a better way to cope.

Either way, I'm going to put the offer on the table to do whatever it takes to help him manage this. It's for the health and sanity of both of us.