Traveling and Type 1

One of my favorite past times is traveling. This is also something that has become more difficult with a type 1 diabetic.

Not because we have to be prepared at all times with extra forms of sugar, test strips, bottles of insulin, etc., but because of the potential lows.

Traveling takes us off schedule, which leads to a greater chance for highs, and lows.

A few weeks ago we ran into a mid-night low that probably could have been prevented. I woke up to a very sweaty man who was convulsing...though still doing everything in his power to cuddle with me.

I jumped up and called 911. They weren't as quick as I would have liked, but when you're traveling you never know how long it might take them to get to your hotel room.

I've learned that in instances where I have nothing to give him and have to call the paramedics, it's up to me to make him as comfortable as I can while we wait. Most of the time that means leaving him be or rubbing his back with one hand, at most. I also try to keep talking to him, letting him know that help is on the way.

I fear the day that we're not near a big city and help isn't close. Sometimes that keeps me awake at night. I often find myself waking him up just to ask him if he's okay. I bet it's annoying.

Selfish Sleeper

Sometimes I feel very selfish when it comes to my sleep. I often go to bed earlier than the boy because he's a snorer and I know if I'm asleep before he is I can usually make it through the night, even when he's sawing logs.

I have started to notice that I'm becoming more selfish when it comes to his diabetes as well.

This summer it seems like there have been more middle of the night lows than usual. In fact, it's been about 1 a week for the past month or so - there have even been a couple incidences where the paramedics have had to show up and help me get his glucose levels back up. And more times than not, if he makes it through the night, he's waking up in a low-blood sugar state.

A few weeks back I asked him what he used to do when he was living alone...how he dealt with all these lows. His answer was simply that he's more careful when he lives alone.

That didn't seem fair to me. So because he knows that I'm here to take care of him, he can be more lax with his personal diabetes care? Really?!

Last night was another low incident, though I'm pretty sure it wasn't because of insulin confusion this time, thankfully. But I woke up to him making all kinds of strange sounds in bed, so I grabbed his glucometer and tested for him...with his groggy permission of course.

Sure enough it read 28. Damn. Out of curiosity I checked the history and when he tested before bed he was at 36. So did he not juice up before coming to bed or did he take that much insulin with dessert that it was still dropping even after getting some more sugar?

Probably a question I will never know the answer to.

So I got him some juice, woke him up, made him drink it, then he fell right back asleep. I on the other hand, did not. I stared at the clock. 2:12 am. I laid there for 30 minutes to monitor his behavior, which was basically unchanged.

About the time he rolled onto his back and crowded me, I headed to the couch for some peace and quiet. I knew that laying there in bed, I wasn't going to get any sleep the rest of the night.

I'm getting used to sleeping on the couch a couple nights a week. I guess it's not so bad. At least I'm getting some restful sleep for part of the night.

I do feel like it's selfish to leave the bed, especially not knowing exactly where his blood sugar levels stand, but I'm starting to realize that I need sleep too - even if it's not in the same room as the love of my life.

The first year

One year. That’s about how long it’s been since I’ve actually had a restful night’s sleep. That’s also about how long I’ve been completely and totally head over heels in love.

How on Earth do these two things correspond? No, it’s not that we’re up late every night getting it on, though, wouldn’t that be nice, it’s mostly my anxiety that keeps me from sleeping too deeply most nights.

Let me explain.

A year ago I went on a date with the man who is now the love of my life. On our first date I found out that he was a type 1 diabetic. It was on this same date that I experienced my first ever low blood sugar incident.

Since that day I have come to realize just how involved this disease really is. Every day has involved research on Type 1, reminders to test glucose levels, behavior monitoring, insulin alarms, test strips found in random places like couch cushons, terms like A1c, numbers numbers and more numbers. It can consume your every move, if you let it.

In my experience, diabetes can do the same thing to the supporters and caregivers as well, it's not just the "patient" who is so deeply affected by this disease.

Which, essentially, is why I'm here. Being a caretaker, supporter and lover of a man who has been a type 1 diabetic for 20+ years, it can be a struggle to cope at times. I'm a talker, so when when I've got something on my mind, it's gotta come out of my mouth - or, in this digital age, fingers works as well. You know, like this blog.

The things that worry and stress caregivers are often the things they can't exactly talk about with the person with the disease.

Sometimes I'm frustrated, sometimes I'm scared, sometimes I just want to run away and hide.

And sometimes, I just want to sleep alone so that I'm not up all night worrying that his odd sleeping behavior is low blood sugar related.

Thing is, none of this has anything to do with the man I love, it's just feelings about the disease. However, talking about it with him would only lead to alienation, making him feel as if he's a burden.

He's not.

So for all those caregivers and people with partners who have Type 1, or other similar diseases, I want to welcome you to a place where you can discuss, comment, read about or just admire from afar the life of another caregiver.

Welcome to my blog. No, our blog. Let the communication begin!