Supporter Syndrome

Some days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs to release some of the tension and anxiety from being a caregiver.

Other days I want to curl up in the corner and cry.

But mostly what I want is to be able to lay in his arms and just have him understand how I'm feeling -- but he won't ever fully understand, and I won't be telling him either.

That's one of the burdens of being the primary supporter of someone with a disease like Type 1 Diabetes. It's unpredictable and therefore part of me is always on edge. After a scary low incident I have more emotions running through me than I know what to do with.

It's downright overwhelming.

This shittiest part is that I can't even talk to my friends about it because no one understands what's coming out of my mouth. With the amount of numbers and jargon involved, it can be difficult to communicate what has happened with anyone, let alone express my feelings about it.

I guess that's what this blog is for...

Being a supporter (I'm not a fan of using the word "caretaker" or "caregiver." I am neither of those, though I am his biggest supporter, with diabetes and in life) can be wicked difficult. Not only is it challenging to keep up with the disease and try to be proactive without being intrusive, but figuring out how to manage your own issues at the same time can be downright brutal.

Lately I feel like I've had some kind of supporter syndrome -- so many thoughts and emotions, so few outlets; and so little time to deal with it.

If anyone has any advice on being a top-notch supporter, please, tell me how.